Leggo the Preggo

Swing Low.......Sweet Fetus...

2008-08-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

Okay so that's not exactly how the tune goes, but I think you catch my drift. If not, I'm large. L-A-R-G-E. At least, I feel supremely uncomfortable and hot - I think that qualifies. The novelty of the belly has now officially worn off. Even the odd person touching it now (suprised I haven't had more - maybe the look of death scared them off) makes me overly annoyed. I haven't seen anyone go up to an overweight person and poke a roll. Yes I know, precious cargo, but it feels the same. So I sit here, in the air conditioning, with a fan, and a belly that isn't as perky as it has been. At least I feel better after having watched a home birth DVD (hey, made me feel better - she did it alone!) and seeing the woman's belly carrying 2 full-size, full-term twins, at 40 weeks! Looked like a skin hammock. A very precious one.

Feline Attack

2008-08-01T09:21:00.001-07:00

Something happened last night while I was sleeping - I felt like I had a bad dream and couldn't remember anything after I woke up. Then I'm looking at myself in the mirror - doing the usual daily preggo check up for new and unusual body changes - and then I see it. I've been attacked!! In the very area of innocence and vulnerability - my womb! Giant claw marks down my stomach from navel to...well...you know. And they're not even camouflaged - they're purpler than a wine grape! Guess this kid plans on being a vintner...

Miracle Down Under...

2008-07-31T19:56:00.000-07:00

2 weeks from delivering and I have an announcement - I still have a bellybutton! It may not be much to poke, but you can still get a finger in it!

Public Advocate

2008-07-02T19:13:00.000-07:00

Now, I'll admit that I've written the odd letter to Air Canada about their horrible service, which they hoped to redeem by naming in Tango (poo renamed is still poo - no?), or Tim Hortons' Roll up the Rim to Win contest - a complete misnomer. I enjoyed the witty banter back and forth, but was pretty content to leave it at that. Get my word in edgewise, let them know I wasn't impressed, and then carry on my way. But today, I must get on my soapbox and make a public stand. To advocate for all pregnant women everywhere - and call for a change to something very uncomfortable and awkward - for something must be done!! People everywhere need to rise up and fight for this just cause....

Superstore - change the plastic key knob for your loonie carts!! There is NO need for a large blunt object to protrude even further from the already far out cart handle. Put it on the side, on the inner part of the handle, anywhere but the exact place where it attempts to poke me a new belly button every time I push my cart. Please!!!

This is NOT a remake of Twins!!

2008-07-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I never thought I looked liked I was going to give birth to Arnold Swarza-whatever and Danny Devito. That'd be the stuff of nightmares. But lately, kindly and strange service ladies at the local stores I frequent, seem to think I'm remaking the classic movie as birth mom! "Oh are you having twins?" ... or ... "So , getting ready for 2 babies? Are you all ready?" ... or ... "Are you going to need 2 of these sleepers?" NO! Back off! Who says that? That's like asking someone if they're pregnant, when you're not sure - and have no idea whether or not they are, or aren't, are trying and can't get pregnant, or are just trying to get rid of the good 'ole muffin top (or are now, after you said that). Likewise, you DO not ask a woman if she is giving birth to multiple babies! because NOW that you said that, whether she is or not, she knows you are looking at her and think she must be abnormally large! When is that EVER a good idea? I told my doctor about it, secretly wondering in the back of my mind whether or not she had missed a 2nd heartbeat with the doppler, but she said, and I quote, "Oh some people are just stupid. Unless they are a trained doctor and know measurements and weights, they have no idea what they are talking about. Regardless of your body type, or what sex of baby you are carrying, (and how your belly looks is NOT an indication of the baby's sex, another wives tale) everyone carries differently. You are not having twins. People just need to be quiet." That was a day I liked my doctor...

Kidneys and Limas oh my...

2008-06-11T16:37:00.000-07:00

So ever felt like someone has reached into your insides, taken one of your organs in their hands, and then proceeded to punch it - repeatedly?? And then once it's sore, and blue, and you think you have time to breathe - they flick it? Yeah - kidney stones. Not like the kind you find in the forest....

Going camping...

2008-06-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

It seemed appropriate. I mean, camping - tents - maternity clothes. Maybe I'm just starting to really feel the bulge. The stretch. The, oh my gosh I have 2 months left how much bigger can I get phenomenon. The, I hate that skinny girl phase of my pregnancy. The - why can't guys carry the bowling ball if they think it's funny to joke about my pregnant fat. See how they like it. Give them a baseball crack to the pelvis and then see if they walk funny. Okay that might have been a bit..."low", but I'm feeling ornery. Give a pregnant girl a break.

Hip to be Square!!

2008-05-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

No one ever told me that pregnancy not only stretches you out, but it rearranges you around. Yep, the bones, they are a shiftin'. And it ain't no party. It seems that lately the baby has taken to resting on my left side, right over my hip. And when I sit or stand too long in one position, my left hip decides to do the hokey pokey and turn itself around. I'm serious - it literally feels like it's turning. So, I have taken to hobbling like an invalid with one limb shorter than the other - to the comments and questions of others whether I've injured myself. Yes, I reply. I have been injured. By my husband. (that raises a few eyebrows). Well you see, I begin, it all began one romantic evening....

Excuse the Bump....

2008-05-16T16:16:00.000-07:00

You know how it's normal on a day to day basis (well for me anyway) to randomly misjudge distance and, the odd time, run into something? Apparently with my 6'2" frame I was a tad clumsy growing up - gangly limbs and all. But lately, being in my late 20s and all, I thought I was growing out if it! Could manage to walk in a straight line and not cross my feet and everything! Then, I got pregnant. And at first, no worries. Before the bump came I was still managing to look fairly coordinated. Now, 6 months along (6 months already!!) this belly has a mind of it's own. I swear, today the child yet to be born was literally guiding itself towards blunt objects. Jutting out blunt objects. Hehe. The knob on my shopping cart, students heads as they sat in class (poor kids), bread on the shelf, the oven handle...you name it. My belly hit it. And to think - I have 3 months left! Oh Lordy...

Hiccup Oh Well...

2008-05-14T23:11:00.000-07:00

Up till all hours and then up again at 4am anyone? Oh yeah. Apparently at 27 weeks - which I'm at, incredibly - the baby is the size of a cauliflower head, quite active, and rhythmic movement is the result of hiccups from baby. Trying to go to bed last night was like laying there while tiny oompa loompas were performing the uneven parallel bars at the Olympics. As a relay race. You can't get mad - after all, it means baby is active and healthy. In a perfect world you'd think they could sleep at the same time you do. Ha. This is where the term "fat chance" would best apply. I guess it's reminding me I only have 3 months left, and then I get NO sleep. Oh bring it on baby....

Bubbly...

2008-04-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

I was starting to panic. Week 20 and no feeling. Whatsoever. I mean, no butterflies, no kicking, no feeling of backstroke across my uterus. Nothing. I'm pouring over baby magazines and books, trying to figure out if I should be worried, as some say that I'm supposed to be feeling movement as early as week 14. Week 14?! If I hadn't had my doctor's appointment 1 week earlier, listened to the heartbeat, and laughed at the nurse practitioner (my doctor was over 1/2 hour late so she decided to pester me in the meantime) as she tried to chase my baby across the great expanse formerly known as my stomach...I'd be freaking out. But, as for now, it was only a slight panic. Some sources say that if it's your first baby, or if it's hanging out a bit further back, you might not feel things until much later. And to be perfectly honest, you have so much more gas and other lovely things going on down there, I don't know how you're supposed to tell movement from flatulence. But, last week, as I was relaxing in front of the TV (trying to not do too much of that these days), this...bubble burst in my stomach. And then another one. It felt like those bubbles you play with as a kid - blowing through the little plastic hoop and then trying to pop them. Pretty soon, it was happening enough that I knew this was no gas. This was a little person who probably had their own gas. And I loved it.

I'm talkin' about sex baby...

2008-04-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

I hear some women have a feeling one way or the other what the sex of the baby is - and I've also heard of some ways to check. I know there's always the ultrasound route, but for reasons I might get into later, we've not having any ultrasounds. So, big surprise on the baby. And no, I'm not doing the room in greens & yellows. I have a feeling I'll be looking at enough vomit and diaper leakage that I don't need those colours on the walls.

Now, I do know of one method that I'm considering, with the sex of the baby and all. Though I won't go buying pink or blue jammies because of it. I heard this from a teacher at my old school and wouldn't have believed him (bit of a practical joker - memories of being drowned by a giant water gun on the last day of school come to mind) but then other teachers got pregnant my last year there and apparently it was right for all of them. As ridiculous as this sounds (and who knows how they came up with this) you pee into a cup and then add Draino. Oddly enough - if it turns greeny-brown, bubbly and bad smelling - it's a girl. If it turns nice colours with no smell - it's a boy. Go figure. It's always nice to plan ahead, but do I? There aren't many good surprises in life - and I'm dying to have them all yell, "It's a ______!" Then we go buy Kevin a Papa burger...hehe.

Isn't it Ironic??

2008-03-23T20:33:00.000-07:00

Flashback - mid 1980s and my mother has just finished giving a piano lesson. I stand, waiting at the door, anxious to say goodbye to the red-haired little boy that I find oddly amusing. As he goes to put his boots on, still awaiting the arrival of his equally red-haired mother, we somehow start talking about gardens. Vegetable gardens of course, because we both know that fruit doesn't grow in gardens (I was 7 and it was northern Alberta). Soon my mother comes to the entryway, wondering what all the fuss was about. See, me and Peter (I forget his real name but it seems appropriate) were in the middle of a heated debate. I was yelling, and he near tears (I'm still oddly proud). You see, he was eagerly protesting that indeed, his mother did grow tomatoes in her garden, and that made tomatoes a vegetable. I, however, had read up on tomatoes (what hadn't I read up on), and was even more eagerly beating into him (verbally of course) that tomatoes indeed did grow in gardens, but because of their seed-filled insides, and other various qualities, they were a FRUIT. He got angry, called me a liar, and I smugly told him I was not a liar, I was just smarter. At this point his mother showed up, thought I must have stabbed him repeatedly with the metronome because of his overdone crying, and whisked him away. I got in heck for that one after. And somehow, ironically, I'm getting heck for it now. You see, up until this time I had never experienced the wonder of heartburn. I thought Tums was for babies. For little red-haired boys who didn't think you could fruit in a garden. And then I got pregnant - ate a tomato - and had the worst heart burn known to foetus. Oh, the irony. Can't grow that in a garden.

Mom I Did It!

2008-03-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

Well I have to say I'm very proud of myself. I have found the silver lining. I have finally gone over the dark side where the odd body functions associated with pregnancy (not all of them mind you) can now, sometimes, be looked at as a blessing. Last Tuesday found this preggo going for another test, blood test #2 actually. Apparently the 1st doctor I initially went to see, who sent me for blood test #1, didn't remember to ask for my blood type (a-), whether or not I'm Rh- (I'm not) and to check for the barrage of STD's a woman could have (if she had multiple partners, which, thank God, I didn't). So I go to the 1st clinic after finding a parking spot (in a city/town of oh, 50,000, you wouldn't think that'd be a problem at 11am), only to have them tell me, oh we don't do those tests here. You don't take blood here? What do you mean? I get directions to clinic #2, and park after 10 minutes of going around a round-about (traffic circle for all you non-aussies) and finally getting off into the one-way parking lot. Wieners. Once I get in there, they take my blood and then say - "oh, you also need to pee in this". Panic sets in. Instant flash backs to being 13 and sitting in the hospital bathroom trying desperately to pee - drinking water, having the tap on - having other need-to-pee patients banging on the door. Being 28 and getting filled with 2 bags of IV fluid to make me pee, only to find out upon my triumphant return, urine cup FULL, that they wanted to do an ultrasound, and bring out another 2 bags of fluid. Hold it, they say. I have a problem with peeing on command. Maybe due to traumatic past experiences, I don't know. All I do know is that others have gotten exasperated, wondering why I also cannot pee on command. So I walk slowly to the clinic washroom, a cloud of doom hanging over my head. I'll spare you the details once I shut the door, but let's just say I emerged not 2 minutes later, full urine cup in hand, thanking my "pee-sized" pregnant bladder for allowing me to go not an hour after I'd really had to go. Hallelujah. A pregnant blessing.

No Joke

2008-03-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

So a couple days ago I'm sitting around the lunch table in a...generic-type room. At my place o'work. And as I am eating my salad and a few slices of cooked, yet cold, garlic coil, a male sitting directly across from me looks at my lunch and says - oh, nitrates. The lunch of champions. If you don't watch it you're gonna have a kid like one of the ones I work with...and proceeds to flail and make choking noises, doing his best to look like a child with severe disabilities and laughing while doing it. Now, I know that the garlic coil wasn't the freshest, most organic and nitrate free choice, but I'm doing my best. But I think I was still justified in staring at him, completely horrified. Did a grown adult just do that?!

Cry Me a River!

2008-03-05T21:20:00.001-08:00

So today I was driving home from school, rounding one of the final bends, up over the hill, cruising with the sunlight through my window and the wind in my hair. And with that, the sounds of "Oh Happy Day" streaming out of my stereo speaker. A lovely day, a sweet moment - so why are tears flowing down my cheeks? Because I'm a pregnant woman - and my hormones have temporarily checked out and went on vacation. Yep, 3 hours later, after having a great conversation with my mom, I saw an ad for Extreme Home Makeover. Tears again. Instant waterworks. It was just an ad! I didn't even see any disadvantaged children in it! (which reminds me of another topic I have to write about later) I mean, what happens to the body?! Don't answer that - I'm fully aware of the "rhetorical" in my previous question. Among other things that could easily make up multiple blog entries, you'd think I was taken over by multiple teenage-like girl babies. I know there's old wives tales - any of them about crying women? It's annoying! For someone who knows she's emotional, but kinda prides herself on keeping it to...herself, crying in your car as you pass the neighbour, and having your husband call your mother because he doesn't know why you're crying and can't get you to stop - it's embarassing! Hehe. And a bit funny. Maybe that's what helps balance out the tears - the sometimes enjoyable ridiculous-ness of it all. And the thought that in the end, it's all worth it. (That's what this mom-to-be is hoping!!)

Test and Retest

2008-02-28T16:04:00.000-08:00

I...am sick...of tests. Not tests in school, no no. Preggo tests. I had no idea how many there were, what they were for, what was involved, how much they educate you, what your choices are, etc. It's pretty overwhelming; especially if you don't read and educate yourself first. Then you pretty much just take what they hand you. Of course there's the blood tests. Those are pretty harmless, and a no-brainer. Not invasive at all. I mean, some people have their needle aversions, but I've had enough vials taken out of me to fill a kiddie pool, so that wasn't an issue. Need to find out blood type, if you're Rh- (then you and baby will need a shot so your blood doesn't clash), if you're anemic (low iron - easy enough to remedy with the right diet and nutrients), and a few other things. No brainer. Except the 1st time I had it done, the results that doctor #1 sent to new doctor #2 (wasn't comfortable with the first one) didn't include blood type or some other basic things - so I have to go again. At least you don't need an appointment. Then she asked me about booking a test for a triple screening. A triple what? I ask. Triple screening. Apparently it tests for Down Syndrome, and other chromosomal abnormalities. Why would couples have it done I ask? Well, she says, I should tell you first that there are a lot of false positives. I would have asked about that too, but my mom's friend had already filled me in. She had her first baby, had the test because they didn't really tell her she had a choice, and told her it was positive. Apparently, at that point then the couples concerned about having a "less than perfect" baby, go for an amniocentesis(?) to determine for sure. They can't do those here - I'd have to go to the coast. I press her further - so, why do you do this? Well, she says, then if that's what you and your partner choose (I hate that word - partner), you can terminate the pregnancy. Oh, have an abortion, I say. No. Thanks. An amnio is pretty invasive, sometimes dangerous, and not really worth it if you plan on having the baby however it decides to come. But if I hadn't asked - I just would have had it - and potentially spent the next 7 months worrying about a baby that will come how it will, regardless of the result. Always ask, always read, and make sure you find out why the doctor tells you to have something done. I'm not saying they don't know their job - but they do have to recommend every test out there - that's their job as well - and it is YOUR body, and YOUR pregnancy, YOUR baby, and YOUR choice. God did give us intuition and discernment as mothers, as well as an amazing body, and I think we need to pay more attention. For sure, ask about a test or see your doctor if you sense something is wrong, but I think I'll err on the side of trusting my body to do what women's bodies have been doing for centuries. Have a baby!

Deep and Wide...(not the S.S. song)

2008-02-25T20:04:00.000-08:00

So apparently maternity clothing has improved over the last few years. I've seen pregnant women looking cute too, with my very own eyes!! So I think, I should be able to find cute clothes too! Silly, silly 6'2" Melissa. It's been an art, dressing well and finding clothes that fit me. A thing of wonder - finding jeans with a 37" inseam in a normal-person store equals the building of a pyramid by thousands of sandy men and no tools.

I went into a maternity store last week at the mall - and was first overtaken by the plaid-ness and flower pattern-ness of it all. Then I walk in, deciding to brave it, and am asked if I need assistance by a 4 foot tall size 0. When I tell her I'm just looking, she turns my attention to a one-size fits all tank top. Was she looking at me? Did she not feel the crink in her neck as she strained to make eye contact - an important selling hint...I mean, I know commission is important but, come on!

So then I look online. Buying clothes online is always sketchy, trying to get the fit right, and sizes changing from one brand to the next. Oh - wait. I found one - and they have tall sizes! Oh yes - inseam.......33". What? That's the tall size? Is this a joke? I mean, I know I should only need 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair black dress pants - because of being my most....beautiful, in the summer. Hehe. What's a girl to do with a limited budget and 37" legs???

Telling the boss

2008-02-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

So Tuesday was the big day. Butterflies in my stomach - or maybe that's the baby moving. They say you're supposed to feel it moving right now, or soon - but it could have been either. Why was I feeling nervous? Or bad, somehow? That maybe he'd be upset with me, just starting here and having gone through the extensive interview process - already scheduled for next year's classes - our new middle years model that they said I was perfect for. (Never thought I'd hear that one) What is that all about anyway? Do guys deal with this problem - the mix of excitement (I have a baby coming!) and guilt or fear (My boss is going to have to hire someone to replace me for a year - oh the inconvenience for them, or other such garbage). When a guy's wife has a baby, he carries on with his job. Maybe a bit more bags under the eyes from lack of sleep - and perhaps working extra hours to feed wife and baby - plus the exorbitant fee for bum rags. But he doesn't have to think about things like...how long of a materinity leave do I take? Will my boss or work place be able to replace me for a year? Will I still have a job when I come back? Do I come back? Or do I stay at home? What do I do with a degree I went to school for 5 years for - and have only worked 4 years at - do I take a break? Do I now make raising children a career? Is there employment with flexibility - to work from home - the dilemma of daycare or whether the cost makes going to work even worth it. Never mind someone else helping to raise your child. These are HUGE questions - but most of which you really can't rush. Maybe that's why God gives you 9 months. To prepare, whilst getting larger by the day. Oh and by the way - I told my boss. He came to see me actually, because I'd mentioned I needed to speak with him. And when I told him, I got a congratulations! He was very positive in saying they would be sad to not have me here next year, as I've really begun to fit in here and become a part of the school - but that this was a very good and exciting thing, and he was happy for my husband and I. Man, all that worrying for nothing. And if you're wondering - the title to this post links you to Canadian standards for maternity leave. Just in case there's any questions. It's worth checking out.

I Heard a Noise...

2008-02-18T20:27:00.000-08:00

So 3 months of feeling a bit weird, and wondering what was wrong with me. I mean, the idea of being pregnant was exciting, and a bit overwhelming, well a lot; but I didn't really feel pregnant. I thought maybe it's just a feeling that comes over you one day - but in the meantime getting a bit anxious about whether everything was really okay. You know, the doubts that creep into your head. Maybe the test was wrong - maybe there's a problem, and others I won't bother mentioning because they don't deserve it.

So today was my doctor's appointment - a total God appointment with a highly recommended doctor that I was totally gifted into being able to see. It seemed like no one here was taking patients, and I'm thinking - I'm over 3 months pregnant here! 14 and a 1/2 weeks to be exact. I need to get in with someone! So I found the office - totally loved her demeanor, her honesty, her respect for my choices in how I want to do this. I know it's my first time, but God is an amazing creator, and I truly believe he made our bodies and gave us a sense of ourselves that seems to be taken for granted. But not today. And after I got more books and pamphlets to read (pregnancy really needs its own recycling program) - I asked her - can I hear the heart beat? (Not getting an ultrasound - more on that later) She says sure, comes back with this unimpressive looking machine, and says, okay lay down. Lay down? Now? That simple?

So, cold gel. And then nothing. A lot of scratching noises. And then - oh you hear that?? What? I say. That. And then I heard it. A heart beat. A fast little heart beat. And it was beautiful. I'm gonna be a mama! That was my baby. And that little baby is drummin' away. Already a musician. My little drummer.

"Pea"-sized bladder

2008-02-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

Never until this pregnancy did I admire the wonderfully grotesque storage capabilities of the human bladder. If you are strapped into a billowing bridesmaid's dress, or rushing off to grab those fake eyelashes for the ceremony before the store closes - sometimes you need to hold it! And now, with my developing baby-storage-facility (a.k.a. uterus) growing on top of the aforementioned bladder, I know have the storage capabilities of a small sesame seed. Never mind that I am now getting up 3-4 times a night to empty the bladder - but when I do go, it seems to want to tease you by limiting the amount released. I feel like it has taken on almost human capabilities in being able to tease me. Bladder - "Oh, I'm full. Time to empty me. Now. Not in two minutes mind you, or I'll let it all out when you sneeze. Empty now." Pregnant woman - "What?! I just went 10 minutes ago. And you only gave me a drop! Could we not just combine 3 trips for a whole 10 mL and call it a day? Or an hour at least?" Yes, pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It's almost like being held captive by your organs - and my bladder's holding the daytimer.

Week 12 and counting...

2008-02-11T16:06:00.001-08:00

Most people usually start these things off right on week 1, but I'm obviously not the typical pregnant woman. I mean, I haven't ordered any monogramed onesies, or picked out nursery colours, and I really didn't think the 1st trimester nausea was "a beautiful and natural experience". I spent the first 7 or 8 weeks in shock. Pregnant? Words that start with "P" are hard to vocalize. Don't get me wrong - I do want and love this little baby-in-training (current name - the kumquat), but I'm starting to realize that pregnancy has been glamourized to make all real women feel unnatural and inadequate - I blame Hollywood.

So, I start this journal as a way to connect with other pregnant women and share my experiences - to let others know the real window on what it's like to be "with child"; without the unreal and gushy stories that no one can really identify with. I also intend to do my research and find out what's really out there for us - us pregnant women with a 9 month ticker. Pregnant women who really have no idea what one is supposed to do - and women finding it difficult to wade through all of the hoopla, advertising barrage, and "advice" from well-meaning acquaintances. Whether you're a 1st time mom, a 5th time career-birther, or just someone looking to hear that you "don't have it that bad", read on. I'll be honest - and it won't be dull.