Swing Low.......Sweet Fetus...

Okay so that's not exactly how the tune goes, but I think you catch my drift. If not, I'm large. L-A-R-G-E. At least, I feel supremely uncomfortable and hot - I think that qualifies. The novelty of the belly has now officially worn off. Even the odd person touching it now (suprised I haven't had more - maybe the look of death scared them off) makes me overly annoyed. I haven't seen anyone go up to an overweight person and poke a roll. Yes I know, precious cargo, but it feels the same. So I sit here, in the air conditioning, with a fan, and a belly that isn't as perky as it has been. At least I feel better after having watched a home birth DVD (hey, made me feel better - she did it alone!) and seeing the woman's belly carrying 2 full-size, full-term twins, at 40 weeks! Looked like a skin hammock. A very precious one.

Feline Attack

Something happened last night while I was sleeping - I felt like I had a bad dream and couldn't remember anything after I woke up. Then I'm looking at myself in the mirror - doing the usual daily preggo check up for new and unusual body changes - and then I see it. I've been attacked!! In the very area of innocence and vulnerability - my womb! Giant claw marks down my stomach from navel to...well...you know. And they're not even camouflaged - they're purpler than a wine grape! Guess this kid plans on being a vintner...

Miracle Down Under...

2 weeks from delivering and I have an announcement - I still have a bellybutton! It may not be much to poke, but you can still get a finger in it!

Public Advocate

Now, I'll admit that I've written the odd letter to Air Canada about their horrible service, which they hoped to redeem by naming in Tango (poo renamed is still poo - no?), or Tim Hortons' Roll up the Rim to Win contest - a complete misnomer. I enjoyed the witty banter back and forth, but was pretty content to leave it at that. Get my word in edgewise, let them know I wasn't impressed, and then carry on my way. But today, I must get on my soapbox and make a public stand. To advocate for all pregnant women everywhere - and call for a change to something very uncomfortable and awkward - for something must be done!! People everywhere need to rise up and fight for this just cause....

Superstore - change the plastic key knob for your loonie carts!! There is NO need for a large blunt object to protrude even further from the already far out cart handle. Put it on the side, on the inner part of the handle, anywhere but the exact place where it attempts to poke me a new belly button every time I push my cart. Please!!!

This is NOT a remake of Twins!!

I don't know about you, but I never thought I looked liked I was going to give birth to Arnold Swarza-whatever and Danny Devito. That'd be the stuff of nightmares. But lately, kindly and strange service ladies at the local stores I frequent, seem to think I'm remaking the classic movie as birth mom! "Oh are you having twins?" ... or ... "So , getting ready for 2 babies? Are you all ready?" ... or ... "Are you going to need 2 of these sleepers?" NO! Back off! Who says that? That's like asking someone if they're pregnant, when you're not sure - and have no idea whether or not they are, or aren't, are trying and can't get pregnant, or are just trying to get rid of the good 'ole muffin top (or are now, after you said that). Likewise, you DO not ask a woman if she is giving birth to multiple babies! because NOW that you said that, whether she is or not, she knows you are looking at her and think she must be abnormally large! When is that EVER a good idea? I told my doctor about it, secretly wondering in the back of my mind whether or not she had missed a 2nd heartbeat with the doppler, but she said, and I quote, "Oh some people are just stupid. Unless they are a trained doctor and know measurements and weights, they have no idea what they are talking about. Regardless of your body type, or what sex of baby you are carrying, (and how your belly looks is NOT an indication of the baby's sex, another wives tale) everyone carries differently. You are not having twins. People just need to be quiet." That was a day I liked my doctor...

Kidneys and Limas oh my...

So ever felt like someone has reached into your insides, taken one of your organs in their hands, and then proceeded to punch it - repeatedly?? And then once it's sore, and blue, and you think you have time to breathe - they flick it? Yeah - kidney stones. Not like the kind you find in the forest....

Going camping...

It seemed appropriate. I mean, camping - tents - maternity clothes. Maybe I'm just starting to really feel the bulge. The stretch. The, oh my gosh I have 2 months left how much bigger can I get phenomenon. The, I hate that skinny girl phase of my pregnancy. The - why can't guys carry the bowling ball if they think it's funny to joke about my pregnant fat. See how they like it. Give them a baseball crack to the pelvis and then see if they walk funny. Okay that might have been a bit..."low", but I'm feeling ornery. Give a pregnant girl a break.